


Drowning in Small Doses

by theappleppielifestyle



Series: Falling 'Verse [3]
Category: The Avengers
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, protective!tony, steve/tony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-07
Updated: 2012-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theappleppielifestyle/pseuds/theappleppielifestyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I know you have to die sometime. Please don't let it be this time. </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning in Small Doses

Press conference, Steve remembers.

Cameras had been going off. Tony had been standing there with the smile he reserves for paparazzi, waving occasionally and making quips. 

Steve hadn't really been paying attention; he had just been standing there trying to get his legs to not go numb while everyone yelled questions at them-

("Mr Stark! How is Capitan America in bed?" "Hawkeye! Do you feel any resentment towards the latest couple in the Avengers?" "Coulson! How do you feel about them calling you their babysitter?")

-and when all else failed, he had just glanced at Tony, because he had been living in the spotlight his whole life and damn if he wasn't good at it by now. He knew what the crowd liked; how to make them laugh, how to keep them on their toes. It was distracting watching him.

Then Tony had noticed something, and his grin had slipped away, and he had started to yell Steve's name and had taken a step to the right and planted himself in front of him and Steve had heard people screaming and there was a sickening crunch and Tony had stared at him, open-mouthed, panting, unable to speak.

Slowly, Steve and Tony had looked down at Tony's chest, _(no)_ where an arrow had gone straight through him, _(nononono)_ an inch away from the arc reactor.

Then Tony had just crumpled: he had swayed, his eyes had rolled upwards _(no please god no Tony)_ and he had fell to his knees. _(Tony no fuck please don't)_

Steve's knees had hit the stage along with Tony's as he had shaken him, ordered him to stay awake, tried to stop himself from trembling, kissed him hard on the lips, _(warm mouth he's not dead can't be not cold yet)_ almost didn't let the paramedics take him away.

And now he's here, in the hospital, looking down at Tony's blood on his hands.

-

The first thing that Pepper sees when she walks in is that Steve's head is bent and his hands are bright red, hanging limply at his knees. He's sitting in those plastic hospital chairs that make everyone uncomfortable.

"Steve?"

Steve looks up blearily, and Pepper blanches.

"You're crying."

Steve frowns, lifts a hand to his cheeks. They're wet, now with blood as well. 

"Oh," Steve says vacantly, his voice not really there. "I didn't notice."

The shooter had been aiming for Steve. Steve had kept thinking about that- that and how Tony's fingers had felt carding through his hair this morning when they had woken up.

Something twists in Pepper's gut, half putting off seeing Tony (she's seen him half-dead too many times already) and half not being able to leave Steve like this.

She takes a box of tissues out of her bag and offers to them.

Steve stares at them for a second before taking them. He looks like he's on autopilot. He gets blood all over the box and blinks, surprised, like he's only just noticing that his hands are covered in it.

-

There is a 97% chance that Tony is going to die.

Steve doesn't know numbers. He never paid attention in maths class- he had known enough to pass high school, but only barely.

But the numbers '97' bounce around in his head for the entire three hours of surgery. 

97, 97, 97, 97-

Tony's survived worse, right?

The arc reactor- he was able to build that, in a cave, while attached to a car battery. 

Then Obie, and palladium, and every other damn near-death experience that Tony had got through, and that was before Steve had even knew Tony.

Steve remembers his mother, coughing up blood in her bed. Remembers the papery strain of her hand. Her struggling smile that was ticking at the edges.

 _I knew that one day,_ she had said, _something was going to get me. And I guess this was my time. Just... do your old mama a favour, okay?_

He remembers her smile again, sagging where it shouldn't have.

 _Be okay without me, Steve._

He says it out loud: 

"I can't."

_I know you have to die sometime. Please don't let it be this time._

-

Steve scares the shit out of Tony. 

And no, not because he's a super-soldier that could quite literally kill him with his pinkie (mostly because everyone can do that nowadays, or at least most of the people living in his house can: Natasha, Bruce when he's Hulked out, Fury if he's pissed off enough). 

He scares him because Tony doesn't let people get to him. 

Hell, he even distances himself from Rhodey and Pepper. 

And it didn't start out that way, either: in the beginning, when Tony and Steve had still sort of resented each other, Tony was fine with him. Steve pissed him off, but he could live with it. 

Tony had been lusting after Steve ever since- well, okay, ever since he was 7, but that was a poster so it didn't count- Steve had walked into his workshop.

Yes, Steve had the pecs of a greek god.

Yes, he had the perfect balance between beautiful and handsome in the exact way that Tony liked.

Yes, he had eyes that reminded Tony of stupid things, like the sky and oceans and comfort.

He could deal with it; he had dealt with it before.

Pepper had cast him knowing looks for ages. Rhodey just raised his eyebrows at him a lot. Hell, even Jarvis started making sarcastic references to it.

Then they actually started becoming not-so-much-enemies and more sort-of-kind-of-friends. That was when the problems had started. 

Friendship Tony could still deal with. 

Ish.

Then Steve had laughed and the morning light had hit him and Tony was completely and utterly fucked.

Tony was still sort of confused as to how they had gotten into a relationship- one second they had been snapping at each other and the next they had been shoving their tongues down each others' throats, but, hey, Tony's not complaining.

They do relationship stuff. They go on dates, they wake up together, they actually talk to each other about shit, and Steve keeps making Tony feel things that he shouldn't be able to.

So of course he moved in front of him when he had seen the arrow 

and the arc reactor had suddenly got very heavy 

and Steve had gotten that shattered expression 

and his chest had felt like it wasn't there anymore

and Steve had said his name like he did

and everyone had started screaming

and Steve

and the blood

and Steve

and Steve

and Steve-

-

See, here's the thing: Tony Stark is fucked up.

Steve knows that.

He knows about the scars around the arc reactor, how Tony hadn't wanted to take his shirt off. He knows how shocked he had looked when Steve had traced them with his tongue; pressed a kiss in the centre of the arc reactor.

He knows Tony's fake laugh, fake smile, fake "Yes, I'm fine, Steve, stop asking."

He knows how he looks like when he's having a PTSD attack.

He knows how his eyes cloud over when people mention Howard- he had learned early on not to bring him up, because apparently the Howard that Steve had knew and the Howard that Tony had knew were two completely different. The difference being that the Howard that Tony had knew had been an obsessive, alcoholic, mentally and physically abusive asshole that Steve would like very much to punch in the face.

The whole thing with Obie hadn't exactly helped.

It's Tony's imperfections that had made Steve kiss him that first time.

Yes, he swears too much.

Yes, he gets oil stains in the couch.

Yes, he locks himself in his workshop for days.

Yes, he eyes the liquor cabinet like it's something that can hurt him.

Yes, he is amazing.

Yes, Steve is brutally in love with him.

-

When Tony wakes up, his mouth is suddenly covered by someone else's, and two huge hands cup the back of his head.

Then they're gone, and Steve is spluttering, "Sorry, I was worried, they said you wouldn't make it, and I suck at percentages, and I thought you would die-"

"Of course I won't," Tony croaks. "We haven't even had sex yet."

Steve's lips have a strange little spasm as he tries not to laugh, but Tony bumps his eyebrows up and down and Steve can't help it.

Which is kind of their relationship in a nutshell.


End file.
